Unfortunately, lying Thai gold diggers do litter the dating scene when it comes to relationships with us westerners. The reason for this is quite well known; we are very often seen as being filthy rich... and immensely gullible!
There is some good news though; it only takes a little caution and some determination to dismiss suspected liars, without exception, to install some effective safeguards against the unsavoury characters.
Amongst the western men in Thailand there are plenty of easy pickings for the naughty girls to focus on, which means that their schemes aren’t often the most elaborate, and a sensible fellow who uses his brain and ignores his ears can usually avoid getting into any romantic troubles.
Steering clear of Thai gold diggers in the online dating scene should be your top priority if you are looking for anything more than a casual relationship, because falling victim to lying Thai women can easily strip you of your life-savings, your pride, and your dignity… and a lot more in extreme cases!
With this in mind, and assuming that you have already made contact with an online lady or two, here is a very good tactic to employ – set up a second online profile that you can use under a pseudonym name. The idea is that the girls who you contact under your main profile will be unaware that you also have a second profile.
If you use your second profile to keep in touch with your girl throughout the first few months of your relationship, you will soon find out whether or not the things that she tells the ‘other’ you are consistent with what she tells the real you.
For example, she may well tell the real you that she has cancelled her online dating account altogether, and she may well actually do that. What she might not tell you is that she is still in contact with several other suitors by email, Skype, SMS, telephone or whatever.
If she continues talking to the other you even after declaring that she is no longer in contact with anyone else, you’ll know that you have a trickster on your hands. To make use of this tactic you will, of course, need to pay for two online accounts at your preferred dating site, but this is a relatively cheap way of gaining some evidence of your lady’s character.
Most online Thai gold diggers have numerous targets and it makes sense to be aware of suspicious behaviour with regard to their online profiles. For example, if a girl that you are in contact with suddenly becomes unreachable under one account but starts contacting you via another account, you should ask her what happened to her original account.
If you get an answer to that question that doesn’t sound plausible, it may well be that she is seeing someone else and that, as a way of demonstrating her loyalty to the other guy, she closed her original dating account.
Another thing to be wary of with Thai gold-diggers comes when they suggest traveling to Bangkok (or wherever) to see you, but that she has no money for the travel costs. If you volunteer to pay those costs you might end up paying a few thousand baht to a lying Thai woman that lives just around the corner. If you are intent on meeting a traditional rural girl then this is a risk you may have to accept but, in any case, a few thousand baht is not much to worry about.
When meeting up with a Thai girl in person, you could test her character by suggesting that you head over to a red-light district e.g. Nana Plaza in Bangkok. If she agrees to this then I'm afraid that you have probably got a naughty girl on your hands because there’s no way a respectable lady would knowingly go anywhere near these places.
This is a risky tactic though; in suggesting such a venue an honest girl might easily assume that you are a naughty boy, so leave this tactic alone until you already have a reason to be suspicious or you might end up scaring off a regular girl.
Many single visitors to Thailand come here specifically to meet up with ladies that they have gotten to know online. Other people, expats or long term visitors, use the dating sites in a more casual sort of way and might not even be looking for a girlfriend. Some just want to meet up with someone for a good night out (or a good night in!).
If you are unsure as to whether or not your girl is a naughty girl, there are a few common characteristics that Thai gold diggers and other unsuitable girls often display. If your girl has one, some, or all of these things it doesn’t prove anything, but here is a piece of excellent free advice… you shouldn’t require proof!
There’s usually very little proof available with these things until it is way too late. In Thailand you have so many options open to you that you really shouldn’t take unnecessary risks when it comes to trust.
Here are a few easy-to-spot common signs to be wary of when you meet up with any Thai girl.
A lady with poor education but who speaks English well might have gained those language skills whilst working in the tourist area bars as a prostitute. It’s not certain that this is the case, but there are not many scenarios in which poorly educated Thais come to have good foreign language skills.
Girls who take telephone calls outside your earshot are obviously suspicious. If she doesn’t want you to hear her conversation it must mean that she’s speaking in a language that you’ll understand, and if that’s the case you have to wonder who she’s talking to.
Girls who switch off their telephones do so because they know that they’ll be receiving inconvenient calls, they won’t consider calls from her family or her friends to be inconvenient, and most Thai girls spend a lot of time glued to their phones. If they switch them off, be wary of their reasons for doing so.
There are some things to be particularly wary of when dating a Thai lady. By this I'm referring to two specific things i.e. the general character of the girl in question, and the nature of life for the girls that work in the tourist area bars.
First up is the girl's character and the way she behaves.
Generally speaking, outspoken behaviour is looked down upon as it is not considered feminine or polite, and acceptable dress codes do not accommodate the revealing variety that you see paraded in the bars.
If your girl is quiet and shy, it's a good sign.
If she has tattoos, piercings, smokes, and has bleached blonde hair, these are all bad signs. If she has a dozen phone calls a day and speaks English with the person at the other end - bad sign. If she is quick to lose her temper, and even argues with her parents - very bad sign!
If she wants you to go and see her in her home-town, that's a bad sign. As soon as the Thai neighbours see you and your western face they might assume that your girl is a working girl. If she doesn't mind risking that people will think that about her, it could well be because they already know it to be true!!!
Look out for mind games i.e. comments such as "I want to choose you for my boyfriend, but this other guy has sent money to me. I need to choose him because I need to take care of my family..." There might not even be another guy (at least not one that has sent money) so be wary. Even if there is some other man, don't get into a bidding war with him because there's only ever going to be one winner, and it isn't you or him!
Be very suspicious if she tells you that she has a birthday coming up, especially if (for example) during a date she seems to linger at a shop window looking at some expensive item of jewellery. It would be done casually, but the psychological suggestion is that you should buy it for her. Don’t fall for it, it was probably pre-planned to scam you.
One thing that you could try with a girl who you are communicating with online is test her by telling her that you are married... if she still wants to meet up, she's less likely to be looking for love and more likely to be looking for money (or casual fun). If she doesn't want to see you anymore, tell her she misunderstood e.g. tell her that you are married but separated for a long time.
That's the last of my advice about avoiding Thai gold diggers. If I get to the point where I can guarantee a 100% risk-free technique I'll write it up. In the meantime you'll need to accept some element of risk… at least it adds to the excitement :)
It’s useful to think about the long-term effects of bar work. Many girls who first arrive in Pattaya and similar places are extremely naive, innocent, shy girls who are hoping to meet a kind-hearted foreign man who will take care of them. In return they are often willing to put their hearts on the line and devote themselves to that man.
Now, just imagine how those girls might change their view of Westerners after a few years exposure to what typically goes on in the bar scene. Many have had their hearts broken by empty promises from Westerners who just want to escape from their jobs for a few weeks in the sun.
There's nothing at all wrong with that, and I think that there is some misunderstanding at play... an inexperienced Thai lady will not know when a typical Westerner is telling the truth or just teasing a little. Most Westerners might expect a girl in Pattaya to know when her leg is being pulled, but it's easy for misunderstandings to creep in.
Once enough of these misunderstandings have taken their toll, the once innocent, naive girl, toughens up and starts to think a little differently about her customers. It doesn't take long before someone looking for a genuine relationship turns into a hardened professional working-girl who will ruthlessly pursue a man’s money!
I've heard all sorts of horror stories about unsuspecting Westerners getting into relationships with Thai gold diggers. Getting seriously involved with a lady you met in a bar is often the start of many problems.
I frequently hear about men who are involved with bar-girls and sending regular substantial payments to their girl from their home countries. They do this on the understanding that their girls have quit their jobs in Pattaya and gone back to their home villages.
They often find out sometime later that their sweetheart has got a number of other men sending her money, and still she continues working at the bar!
A difficult situation arises when you get attached to someone whom you start to suspect is seeing other men whilst denying it. Thai gold diggers can lie with total conviction and it is surprisingly easy to be a convincing liar, so don’t trust your instincts.
In these circumstances you should just walk away but, if you feel that you need evidence, there are private investigators in Thailand who will be able to keep an eye on her and uncover the truth. Generally speaking though it’s not worth it unless you are already deeply involved and have financial/family ties with her.
It will not be cheap to do this, especially if the investigator has to travel a long way, but allowing unscrupulous Thai gold diggers to work their schemes to full fruition can be a dangerous path to take. Things will be more costly in the long run, so consider hiring someone to check her out if it will put your mind at ease or allow you to prepare your escape plan in the event that your suspicions are confirmed.
You can usually stipulate what evidence you require from an investigator, but be realistic about it and stick with your judgement if the evidence convinces you that you’ve been taken in by a naughty girl. You can guarantee that denials from a naughty girl will flow like a torrent no matter how damning any evidence is so, if you can avoid it, don’t discuss the evidence... just move on!
There's no denying that getting involved with someone from a very different culture is going to be an extra challenge, but the potential is still there. Life is a risk... getting involved with a lady from your own culture is not exactly a fool-proof ticket to happiness.
Divorce rates in the Western world seem to go up every year, and the expense involved in a failed Western marriage (not just the wedding costs but also the ritual stripping of your assets after a divorce) makes the potential financial costs of a failure much higher in the West.
One good thing about relationships with Thai women is that you will be forced from an early stage to really put some effort into communicating with each other openly and honestly. If you work at that, and you believe that you have found someone who is genuine, you have every chance of making a success of it.
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