I have seen plenty of Thai bar girls but I wouldn't be exaggerating if I told you that the first time I saw my future wife I was absolutely blown away. She was, without a doubt, the most exceptionally beautiful Thai girl I had seen. So much so that when she first looked at me, I looked away! I felt so shy that I couldn’t even hold her gaze...
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It’s not as though I was some sort of teenage virgin or something, I was 27 at the time and full of confidence as far as the ladies go.
You can probably guess that this story is not going to lead to a ‘happily married for 20 years and never looked back’ kind of ending. I think my story is quite a common story, it’s the sort of story that lots of westerners experience with the wrong kind of Thai girls i.e. girls in Pattaya and similar places.
I met my girl whilst I was on my first ever visit to the ‘land of smiles’ and I was just about as green as it gets. I knew almost nothing about the motives of the ladies that work in the bars… I did know that they were available for take-out of course, that much is obvious.
My first week in Pattaya was full of fun, the sort of fun that 27 year old single men dream of, but after that first week I started to slow down a bit. It’s not easy to maintain a constant pace of drinking, late nights, pretty Thai bar girls and so on for much longer than a week… it takes its toll on you eventually.
About a week into my vacation I’d met a lovely girl that I ended up staying with for a few days; I put a stop to things though because I could feel myself getting a little too attached to her after just 3 days in her company!
Not possible to be falling in love after 3 days you might think, but you’d be wrong. You’ll know what I mean if you’ve had any significant previous experience with Thai bar girls, it happens a lot.
I think us westerners are suckers for the whole ‘take care of your man’ approach that some of the women employ. This girl would put toothpaste on my toothbrush for me, she’d wait for me to step out of the shower so that she could towel me down, she’d clean up after me and so on.
If you’ve only ever known western girls before then I think you'll know that this sort of treatment is a novelty to say the least. I’ll leave the appeal of it at ‘novelty value’ though, because once you’ve had this treatment enough times it actually starts to get a bit irritating if you can believe that.
So, I left this girl because getting seriously involved with a bar girl was definitely not something that was on my agenda. No surprise then that the very next girl I met was the one I ended up marrying.
I think that you would have forgiven my change of heart if you had seen the girl in question. I know everyone has slightly different tastes, some focus on long legs, some focus on big chests, some only care about pretty faces, but I think that most people would give this girl 10 out of 10 in the looks department overall.
For me, she was one in a million – just about perfect in a physical sense. I liked her company too, she spoke good English and had a really good sense of humour. I know now that there were endless warning signs that I should have been aware of but, like I said, it was my first trip to Thailand and I knew almost nothing. I can tell you that she was not the sort of girl you imagine Thai bar girls to be - she was polite, clear of any tattoos, feminine, softly spoken and unassuming.
However, the first lie came out of her mouth within minutes of me meeting her! She told me that she was 23 years old, I found out a few months later that she was a mere 18 at the time. As the night wore on she told me a few unlikely stories but, to be honest, I didn't much care about it as I wasn’t exactly intending marriage at this point.
My mind was preoccupied with different intentions and I really didn’t think that calling her a liar would accelerate my chances of satisfying those intentions. Thai Bar girls lie just about as often as they talk... insisting on the truth would have cut our conversations to the bare necessities. Anyway, the plan worked a treat and the next couple of weeks were a LOT of adult fun.
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Things took a serious turn about a month after I left Thailand when I got a phone call in the middle of the night. Before you jump to conclusions, no, she wasn’t asking me for money. There was no sick water buffalo or any of that nonsense. No, much better... she was pregnant!
Up to that point in my life I’d always assumed that I was the kind of chap that would have no problem whatsoever in dismissing a situation like this as being a complete S.E.P. (Douglas Adam’s joke – means somebody else’s problem). It didn’t feel like that at all though, the girl was in tears and I felt awful. I knew that being a single mother would be a massive problem for her.
On top of that, Thailand is not as wealthy as the west and denying my responsibilities would be the same as condemning the child to a life with limited opportunities. My decision was to head back to Thailand to confirm the pregnancy.
All right, the truth is that if any of the other Thai bar girls I'd met had called me with the same story I think that I would have done things differently, but this girl was tugging at my heart strings.
I spent another glorious 2 weeks with her in Thailand. She was visibly pregnant and the timing suggested that the child was conceived during our time together on my first visit. I agreed to return again as soon as I could after the child was born. At that time we would have a DNA test to prove paternity.
We had discussed marriage on my second visit to Thailand and on my third visit, 1 year and 8 days after we first met, we tied the knot (paternity being proven by this point).
My wife and I lived with our son in the UK for the next two years (on and off as she had to return to Thailand every 6 months). There’s not much to say about this time that would be of any particular interest to you, we were a normal happy family, or so I thought.
One thing that was becoming a significant problem was the financial situation I was getting into. What with visa applications, regular flights to Thailand, regular requests from the Thai family for financial assistance, along with all the usual family costs, my resources were being seriously stretched. Along with the rest of the Western world at this time I discovered a brilliant financial solution – borrow money like crazy and don’t even think about how I might one day pay it back!
I’d run up several personal loans, maxed out 4 credit cards and borrowed from my parents. I was putting all my hopes on getting promotion at work. Unfortunately, that didn’t materialize. In fact it was worse than that... once the 2007 financial meltdown kicked in, I had to accept a pay freeze on my basic salary, a reduced bonus, certain allowances being cancelled, and a freeze on any chance of promotion.
I was getting close to breaking point and had to cut back on my costs, plain and simple, but try explaining to a Thai girl that you are going to need to cut back on your spending habits – it’s guaranteed to challenge your sanity!
One of the first things I knew I had to do when first coming to live in the UK with my new wife was to help her get some Thai friends…, so I took her to the local Thai restaurant and got her talking with one of the waitresses in there. It’s amazing how easily Thais become friends and before long she was spending quite a bit of her time with this waitress. I was happy with that, the last thing I wanted was for her to be stuck in the house alone with the baby.
Thais are very sociable people and have a real hatred for loneliness. I wanted her to be happy in the UK, and guess what, I actually encouraged her to start having the odd girls night out just the way that young Western girls do. Our problems started when I asked her to cut back on her nights out due to my financial situation. To be honest, these nights out were becoming far too frequent regardless of the money situation.
I can’t pinpoint the time when my girl started to turn into the monster that she would eventually become. I recall one of my more humiliating memories - I actually remember thinking to myself on one occasion that if I were to drop dead suddenly, at least I would go to the grave having known what it was to be truly loved by someone.
I’ve had my share of girls in my time, but none of them came close to making me feel as loved as this girl did during our first few years together. I know now of course that there couldn’t ever have been any real affection from her, not considering how things were to develop.
I cracked down on her nights out by refusing to give her any money to go drinking. Did that stop her? Not a chance! She carried on going out (about 4 nights a week by this time) claiming that she was only having an odd drink and that her friends would pay for her. We started arguing a lot during this period...
The first of our 2 break-ups came when she went out promising to be back by 11pm; it was sometime after 3am when she finally strolled in and I was furious. She’d switched her telephone off during the night and she’d come back (drunk) and trying to put her arms around me as if all was right with the world.
I honestly don’t understand what happened to make her change from being the loving, caring, loyal girl that she once was, into this utterly selfish cow! I wasn’t going to stand for it anyway, I booted her out.
I knew one of her Thai female friends would let her stay with her for a while so it wasn’t like I was kicking her out onto the streets. My parents were fantastic in offering to take care of our child for me whilst I was deciding what to do. I took her back after a few days of her constantly telephoning and sending SMS messages full of apologies and promises that she would change, but by this time I'd done my research and was fully aware that this is a common trait of Pattaya based Thai bar girls...
She didn’t change.
The money situation continued to deteriorate and the final curtain was drawn during a visit to Thailand when I caught her actually steeling money from me. She tried to deny it at first, but the evidence was irrefutable. By finishing the relationship with her I was losing my son too. Okay, I could have fought for custody, but for what?? In the UK I would certainly lose and, in Thailand, there’s no way I could have afforded the legal expense. My heart was broken.
Five weeks after the split up I bumped into a mutual friend of mine and the wife. Actually, she was more my wife’s friend than mine, but I think that she felt a bit sorry for me. We got talking about things and 3 hours later my eyes were well and truly opened.
Whilst I had been cutting back on my spending, my lovely wife had not only been going out and living it up, she’d been flashing the cash around and buying drinks for her friends too. That’s on the occasions that she was actually going out with her friends... it turns out that, more often than not, she was meeting up with other men and sleeping around. What do they say about taking Thai bar girls out of the bar...
You have to understand, for the longest time I never suspected a thing. I genuinely believed that, whatever else she was guilty of, her affection and her romantic loyalty towards me were total. I never believed for a moment the extent to which she was betraying me. To say that I was devastated wouldn’t even come close to what I was feeling.
It wasn’t just the fact that she was throwing my remaining cash away and sleeping around, the manner in which she did it was something like the way you would treat someone you utterly hate. She even used to joke with our child, in Thai language, that she was going out to sleep with other men whilst I was staying in babysitting. She’d then have a good laugh about that with her friends.
In Thailand the concept of ‘losing face’ is taken far more seriously than in the West, but my wife had absolutely no concern for me losing face whatsoever – quite the reverse in fact. She wasn’t just cheating on me, she would get me to take her places were she knew that several of her lovers would also be – places were she knew that these people would be having a really good laugh at me because they’d had my wife.
Even on Christmas day during our second year together she’d cheated on me. We went, with the baby, for an early evening Christmas dinner and a few drinks. Her friends (some single and some with husbands) were there too. They all knew what was going on.
When we walked in the restaurant I spotted three or four men looking at me and laughing amongst themselves. I thought nothing of it at the time, I just passed it off as a group of guys having a few beers and a laugh. Some of them had already been with my wife and later that night one of them would have her again whilst I was, once again, back home babysitting.
I don’t know if anyone reading this has ever been through anything similar, but I can tell you it is absolutely soul destroying. You actually start to hate yourself for being such a blind fool.
It has been a few years now since all this ended. The money situation is slowly recovering, but I’ve never been able to see my son again. I got a divorce shortly after that revealing chat with our mutual friend. The divorce was settled in Thailand and the terms demanded no further financial support from me. The wife knew that I was broke and she needed the divorce to go through without a hiccup – presumably so that she would be free to marry again and destroy some other poor sod’s life in the same way that she destroyed mine.
Her knowledge that I was already financially broke didn’t stop her from threatening me that I’d never see my son again if I didn’t give her 20,000 baht every month. I’ve come to realise that losing that evil witch was a bit like having a cancer cut out of my life. Thank God and good riddance, but I’m never going to feel anything but pain and sorrow over the loss of my wonderful son. I can only hope that one day he will want to know my side of whatever story he has be given about his dad.
This is a typical story about Thai bar girls who are involved in relationships with western men; I've heard many just like it or worse. My thanks and my thoughts go out to the author and I wish him well for the future.
For any readers who find themselves in a similar position, make sure you read my advice about Thai bar girls and dating closely because the information therein will help you to avoid falling victim to these sorts of women.
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