If you are new to Thai bar girls, you might be amazed to know that the sweet little angel you just spent a few passionate days with might well already have a Thai boyfriend, or even a husband whom she loves!
What's more, the husband might know full well what his wife has been doing, and be encouraging her to do it so that he can spend the money that you have given her.
Such things are not unusual.
From your perspective the real take-home message is that what you experience with these girls is almost always fantasy, and under no circumstances that I can imagine should you allow your fantasy to get the better of you and sucker you into a full-blown relationship.
If you like your women to have a confident, talkative, outgoing sort of personality then you are particularly at risk of heartbreak with a Thai bar girl.
Outside of the tourist areas, Thailand is a very conservative country. Most people, and especially young women, are naturally quiet, calm, shy and reserved.
Many bar girls are the opposite of this and have probably had a lot of experience with western men, and that means a lot of experience as a prostitute. It's a lifestyle that takes its toll, not just physically after all the drinking night after night, but also mentally.
It’s not easy maintaining a constant façade of happiness and friendliness! Many girls use drugs to keep themselves going, it's all bad news.
In the beginning some girls are naive.
If you choose a girl who is quiet and shy, and doesn't seem to know the ropes, she might be an exception. If she is new to the job, it is possible that her good nature is still intact, but be extremely careful.
Tricksters are extremely difficult to spot.
If you can keep your head thinking straight, and I mean your big head, you can have a fantastic time. Treat these girls with respect, and always pay your dues. Then, when the time comes to move on, do it gently but firmly.
Whatever you do, don't dump her for another girl who works at the same bar. This will cause real jealousy, and rage, and it might well lead to violence. If you start feeling any kind of emotional attachment, run like crazy!
It is just too risky, in my opinion, to consider anything other than a very short-term arrangement with a girl who you met in a bar. Too many guys have had terrible experiences by getting in too deep.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun…
There is a LOT of fun to be had with Thai bar girls. No serious commentator can deny this simple fact, and when they try to do so they actually mean that the ladies used to be even more fun in the past (by which they usually mean cheaper).
I do agree that costs have risen significantly for most western guys who want to indulge themselves in sexual services, but in terms of sheer fun… well the bar girls in Thailand aren’t going to surpassed by the waitresses in the Western world anytime soon… that’s a fact!
Things may be changing in modern times, especially in Bangkok where the girls can make a lot of money via the Western model of prostitution (i.e. make a quick buck from one guy, then move quickly on to the next), but this is still Hedonism compared to the West.
I do agree that service standards have deteriorated as the girls have moved more towards a quick dalliance rather than a snare-your-man approach, because there’s less need to provide a good service to someone who is less likely to be a repeat customer.
However, in Pattaya you can still get the girlfriend-experience.
It would be a good idea to stop your little head from completely taking over your mind when partying, because a lot of the Thai bar girls there will still string you along and try to snare you as a boyfriend, just as in the days of old.
This, however, fails utterly to convey the extent to which these lies are frequently swallowed up by western men.
We are talking here about a time honored, truly sublime, lying expertise with which these ladies can seemingly effortlessly work their magic and turn an otherwise sensible middle-aged man into an adoring boyfriend or husband.
The reason is usually because these girls are often very attentive to their man’s needs in a way that is not common in the West.
Things like cleaning, and tidying up your mess, are typical. Folding away your clothes, drying you down with a towel after you step out the shower, making the bed… even putting toothpaste on your toothbrush for you is not unheard of.
If you ask a Thai bar girl where she would like to go, she will normally reply softly in broken English “I go where you go”. It’s all very endearing and quite easy to fall for.
At the end of your vacation there may well be some real attachment between the two of you. You will have shared plenty of good times together and the thought of separating might not be a happy one.
In fact, leaving Thailand at all might seem like a terrible idea!
When the departure date arrives your girl will almost certainly want to accompany you to the airport, and I’ll bet that there will be tears in her eyes when you say your final farewell... this is not at all unusual for these ladies.
If you made the mistake of exchanging phone numbers, you can bet that your phone will soon be ringing after you get back home.
These are typical developments that lead to the sort of tragic relationships that I keep banging on about.
Some Westerners have even gone as far as establishing some sort of formal relationship with a Thai bar girl before they even leave Thailand.
The arrangement usually works out that the girl will give up her bar work and return to her home village to await your return, whilst you will send an agreed amount of cash each month so that she doesn’t need to work.
In reality the girl doesn’t stop working in the bar at all. Even worse, she may well already have similar arrangements with several other western men, none of whom are aware of each other.
Believe me, it happens all the time.
For a true story about one of these little vixens, involving a lady from my own experiences in Pattaya, have a read of:
By way of example I’m reminded of a bar girl that I used to know.
On the surface she was ultra-sweet and feminine, unassuming, quiet and reserved. This sort of character in a girl just so happens to be my preferred character in a lady when seeking out a potential bed-partner, and so the two of us got along in the way that western guys and Thai bar girls do.
Months passed by with regular meet-ups between us, nothing serious just regular casual 'friend with benefits' type stuff. I’d been completely honest with the girl in question and made clear that I was the butterfly sort of guy and that nothing long-term would ever become of our time together.
I also made clear that she would be taken care of financially.
She was happy with the arrangement and was fully aware that I would, as the mood took me, spend time with other ladies. She was unusually candid with me too and openly admitted that there would be other western gentlemen who would be entertaining her from time to time.
Anyway, months passed until one day I got a call from her in the night. Her voice and character were completely off, I don't mean in a weird mood sort of way, I mean in a completely different personality sort of way.
She’d called me accidentally and as soon as she realized her mistake she hung-up. Apologies followed the next day but her game was up. It was unmistakably a ‘different persona’ that she was using when she called me by mistake.
Her mistake did ruin our relationship.
Other than the mistaken phone call there was never, even for a second, any hint of deception! Some Thai bar girls are accomplished actresses, and once they figure out what sort of character to present to you they’ll stick to it and never break character.
We saw each other a couple of times after this but she knew she’d lost face, and when that happens Thais struggle to shrug it off.
Things fizzled out and I moved on.
Whilst I haven’t, in this article, mentioned anything specifically about Thai ladyboys with respect to prostitution, much of the same advice applies.
If you are interested in them, go right ahead and enjoy yourself, but don’t get too attached.
I’ve written a detailed report about the Thai ladyboys in Pattaya, which you can read via this link:
Think about the typical salaries that the girls earn.
Most work for a monthly bar-salary of no more than about 10,000 baht. Add to that their share of the lady-drink mark-up and you are up to around 15,000 baht.
Money from extra-curricular activities with the bar customers might bring in another 20,000 depending on the beauty of the girl (20,000 assumes one customer every 3 days averaged over the year) making a total income of about 45,000 baht per month.
That's already excellent money compared to other unskilled work in Thailand.
But I’m not done yet…
Many working-girls are hoping to get involved with a Westerner who will 'sponsor' them. They might promise that a few thousand baht per month is all that they need to be able to stop their work and head back home to get a normal job and await your return.
In reality, the vast majority of beer-bar girls will string along as many unsuspecting western boyfriends as they possibly can with this line of bullshit. It’s very unlikely that any realistic amount of money will be enough to make her stop her work in the sex trade.
The more she earns, the more she wants!
If a girl can get half a dozen boyfriends (sponsors) sending them as little as 8,000 baht per month each; that adds up to 48,000 baht on top of the 45,000 she earns herself. That's 93,000 baht per month in total, and many girls make a lot more than that.
It is not uncommon for some girls to be receiving upwards of 30,000 each month from a single sponsor, and still the girl continues working!
How exactly are these bar girls going to lure these sponsors in? Simple, by pretending to fall hopelessly in love with them, and doing absolutely everything they can to make sure that the customer has as good a time with them as is possible.
It's surprising how good they are at it.
I'm not suggesting that all of the girls are the same, a tiny minority are genuine, lovely and loyal girls…. and that's part of the problem! You won't know if you've found your dream girl, or if you've just been tricked into thinking you have!
It really is best to play safe here, the number of girls with real long-term relationship potential are only a very small fraction of the total girls working in the bars.
Most Thai bar girls will cater to your every whim.
They will take care of you in ways you won't expect. If you want to have a laugh with your drinking buddies, no problem, she'll sit patiently, and quietly, waiting for you. If you want her to join in with the laughter, she'll play along.
After you have finished your drinking session, and gone back to your hotel, your lady will happily indulge your every pleasure.
In the morning when you step out of the shower, don't be surprised if she is waiting for you so that she can dry you down with a towel. Whilst she is drying you, you will probably notice that all the clothes you threw on the floor are now neatly folded and stacked.
In general, Thai gogo girls are a definite class up in terms of overall physical beauty compared to the girls that work in the beer bars. They are usually shapely and slim, and they are usually a bit younger than most Thai girls in the bar scene.
Thai gogo girls are very approachable and they will be happy to accept a drink from you if you want one to come and sit with you. The ensuing conversation usually goes along the lines of “where are you from?”, “how long are you staying?” and “what hotel are you staying at?”
From this the girl will get an idea of how much money you’ve got to spend and how long she has to convince you to part with it.
Because of the short-time nature of their meetings with men, you don’t normally find that the girls try to convince you that they are suitable for long-term relationships in the way that a beer-bar girl might. It might happen though, so be on your guard.
Whereas it is extremely risky to get involved with a girl you meet in a beer-bar, it is just insane to get involved with a girl from a gogo bar. There’s no way that a Thai man would get serious with a gogo girl (except if she is giving him her cash!), so you shouldn’t get involved either.
These ladies have almost always had a number of years working in the nightlife industry and it is an industry that takes its toll.
Don’t fall for any stories about her only working there for this or that reason and that with a small financial contribution from you each month she can stop working and blah blah blah!
For the Thai girls that you meet in nightclubs/discos, I have two very different recommendations to make:
The ladies that you will find in the Thai focused establishments, i.e. those that do not get foreign visitors, offer a very good opportunity to meet some genuinely lovely potential girlfriends.
The ladies that frequent the discos that tourists go to are just another sort of working-girl and are not suitable for anything serious. Many Thai girls head to these places after the bar at which they work closes for the night.
The ‘untouchable’ attitude that you get from girls back home (even if they are old, ugly and overweight) does not exist in Thailand and you can rest assured that your attention will not be rudely rejected.
If the girl is not available, she'll handle it politely.
The working-girls are there for financial purposes as you might expect. Unlike the usual 'freelance' working girls i.e. street-workers and so on, I do think that the nightclub girls are a reasonably trustworthy lot as far as personal safety is concerned.
Many of the nightclub girls are not full-time working girls.
It is fairly common to find University students there who need an income top-up. These girls usually work on weekends only… unless they are urgently in need of some extra cash. Many of them don’t even consider themselves to be prostitutes since they don’t solicit their services, but they’ll still expect a cash donation from you…
|NOTE| For more information about the potential dangers of involvement with the wrong sort of girls in Thailand, as well as more specific info, have a look at my articles about:
No, not at all, this advice is for everyone. If you only have experience of the ladies from your own country then you will almost certainly underestimate the ability of girls from a less fortunate background to lie convincingly.
Thai culture itself takes a less dim view of lying in certain circumstances e.g. where it is done to save-face or avoid conflict, so the aversion to lying that you get in Western culture is not felt so deeply in Thailand. Trust me when I tell you that simple little white lies are so commonplace in Thailand that you’ll start to wonder if you’ve ever been told the truth about anything.
Add to that the problem that your relationship might not be based purely on lies (she may well have some genuine feelings for you but at the same time she may have absolutely no intention whatsoever of being faithful to you) and you get a situation that is very difficult to read.
I’m not saying that she is not the genuine article, but something like this proves nothing about her true motives and it happens all the time. It is quite common for a bar girl to refrain from asking for cash, I’ve even heard of some working-girls who actually dig into their own pockets and help support their foreign boyfriends when they are short of cash.
None of this means that the girl involved is suitable for serious commitment. It may well mean that she has genuine affection for you, but don’t let that convince you that the girl is loyal and monogamous.
In some cases the whole point of getting close to a foreign boyfriend is so that she can get to your country. There is a common misconception that this is the secret desire of every Thai girl but that is nonsense; most Thai girls want to remain in Thailand, but there are some who want to get into the west.
It is a good sign if she wants to go with you to your country, but she could easily be lying about that. Even if she goes through with a visa application she can easily ruin it so as to get it declined.
It may even be a ploy to get you to marry her; a visa might not be possible if you are not married. I can tell you that lots of Thai bar girls would be more than happy to marry a customer for the financial support that it brings.
The two most important messages to draw from all of this:
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